Book Review: The Way of the Superior Man—A Spiritual Guide to Mastering the Challenges of Women, Work, and Sexual Desire

This book was recommended to me by multiple friends—one called it “the bible on how to be a man,” while another said it was his "catalyst for understanding masculinity". Given my disappointment with David Deida’s other book, Dear Lover, I was skeptical. However, The Way of The Superior Man exceeded my expectations! It’s a profound exploration of masculinity, tailored for a male audience but offering valuable insights for women as well.

Deida teaches men how to embody true masculinity and understand their partner’s feminine needs and behaviors. At the same time, he enlightens women on what to expect from a masculine partner and the reasons behind male actions. The book’s short chapters and clear, direct writing style make it easy to read, and it’s packed with practical wisdom that ranges from easy-to-implement to long-term mastery.

If you want real passion, you need a ravisher and a ravishee; otherwise, you just have two buddies who decide to rub genitals in bed. —David Deida

Key Takeaways for Men Embracing Their Masculinity

Deida presents actionable insights for men seeking to enhance their relationships and personal growth. Here are the key lessons I took away:

Challenge Yourself & Conquer Fear

Push yourself just beyond your comfort zone. Face and address your fears head-on rather than avoid them.

Purpose Comes First, Relationship Comes Second

A man with a clear purpose provides guidance for himself, his partner, and his relationship. Know what your purpose is and work towards it every day.

Stand Firm in Your Decisions

Be open to your partner’s influence, but don’t let her change your mind when you are certain of something or make your decisions for you—it'll harbor resentment.

Recognize & Pass Her Tests

A woman regularly tests you to feel your strength and integrity. Meet these challenges with confidence.

Integrity & Trustworthiness Matter

Keep your word. It builds trust and deepens connection.

Express Appreciation Regularly

Praise your woman frequently. She will naturally continue to improve in those areas that you appreciate.

Embody Confidence & Decisiveness

Masculine energy thrives on confidence. If you hesitate, she may unconsciously take on the masculine role herself.

The Relationship Dictates Her Mood

If she feels closed off, it’s likely because you’ve stopped showing up fully in the relationship.

Be Fully Present With Your Woman

When you’re with her, don’t just physically be there—be loving, observant, understanding, patient, and engaged.

Avoid Getting Lost in Mundane Tasks

Stay focused on your bigger purpose rather than becoming consumed by daily obligations.

Embrace the Present & Stop Waiting for Ideal Conditions

Circumstances will almost never be ideal. Embrace the present and stop banking on the future to be better.

Stay Grounded in Your Masculine Energy

There are situations that will challenge your ability to stay grounded. Practice staying in your masculine headspace.

There are masculine and feminine gifts in intimacy, and each gift comes with its own responsibility. —David Deida

A Bold, Blunt & Occasionally Controversial Approach

Deida’s writing style is humorous, sarcastic, and blunt—keeping readers engaged. At times, his words might feel misogynistic, particularly to women. However, beneath the surface, his message highlights essential, albeit uncomfortable, truths about masculine-feminine dynamics. His emphasis on masculine purpose and integrity makes this book a valuable read for men seeking deeper relationships and personal growth.

Final Thoughts: Is The Way of The Superior Man Worth Reading?

Despite some repetitive points, The Way of The Superior Man is a compelling and thought-provoking read. If you’re looking for an insightful guide on masculine energy and relationship dynamics, this book is worth your time.

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At The Intimate Instinct, we explore the complexities of sexuality, intimacy, and relationships through the psychological lens of masculinity & femininity and the physiological lens of hormones and neurotransmitters—all with the goal of teaching you practical insights to deepen your relationships. If you’re curious about these topics, and about becoming the best individual and partner that you can be, consider joining our women’s group. We gather online, weekly, as a small group to have thought-provoking discussions, share stories, and connect with one another.

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