Book Review: Dear Lover—a woman's guide to men, sex, and love's deepest bliss

A Book That Promises to Guide Women to Their Femininity

David Deida’s Dear Lover attempts to guide women on their journey towards discovering and embracing their femininity. Each chapter starts with a short love letter from the author to the reader, which creates a unique and intimate framework. But despite these sweet letters, this book as a whole unfortunately didn’t offer me enough substance.

Deida's approach in this book is undeniably artistic, filled with flowery language and layers of abstraction. And while this creative style might appeal to some, I personally found it more of a hindrance than a help.

Initially, I thought his writing simply wasn't for me. But after reading his other book, The Way of the Superior Man, which is written in a direct manner for a male/masculine reader, I realized that he likely chose to write this book about femininity in a more feminine and creative style. Though I admire his thought process here, the execution left me wanting more clarity and straightforward guidance. The overly poetic and often redundant prose made it difficult for me to discern his main points, and his frequent creation of new words only added to the confusion.

The Challenges of Deida’s Approach

While Deida offers some valuable insights, there are two key issues that hinder the book’s effectiveness:

Questionable Commentary on Female Experiences

Despite his expertise in relationships and polarity, Deida occasionally ventures into topics—such as clitoral orgasms—that may not be his place to explain as a male author. Some readers might find his input valuable, while others (cough cough) may view them as “mansplaining.”

A Religious Undertone

Throughout the book, Deida weaves a strong religious theme into his exploration of relationships, masculinity, and femininity. He emphasizes the importance of God and spirituality in creating deep, meaningful connections. While this perspective may resonate with some readers, it can be off-putting to others—myself included.

Personally, I prefer a more scientific approach to understanding masculinity, femininity, attraction, and communication. I find that looking at these dynamics through the lens of psychology, biology, and social science offers clearer, more actionable insights into relationships and intimacy.

Notable Quotes That Offer Insight

Despite its shortcomings, Dear Lover does contain some powerful ideas that offer genuine insight:

“You always attract your reciprocal. A woman who worships a man’s depth of masculine consciousness attracts and inspires a man who worships her heart of devotional, feminine radiance.”

“Men tend to leave relationships too soon, always looking for a better option. Women tend to stay in relationships too long, always hoping that their man will change and grow.”

“Very likely, you are more surely directed than most of the men you meet. Your masculine presentation – which has become a habit in your body, voice, and breath – attracts undirected men who are needy for your masculine guidance, rather than deeply purposed men of passionate integrity who would be attracted to enter your feminine body and heart with their full masculine commitment, presence, and respect.”

“In bed, you will be moved to offer him the same depth of sexual surrender that he has commanded of your heart all day by his integrity and presence. The depth of your sexual merger at night is predisposed by the depth of your devotional offering and his claim of your heart all day.”

These passages highlight the book’s core themes of polarity, devotion, and attraction.

Final Thoughts—Is Dear Lover Worth Reading?

While Dear Lover has moments of brilliance, its poetic style and occasional overreach into female-specific experiences make it a mixed read. If you enjoy abstract, artistic writing, this book may resonate with you. However, if you're like me and you prefer clear, practical guidance, then you might find yourself disengaged.

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